When Sex Can Trash the Self

A woman I know told me that when she first had sex and lost her virginity, she felt she had been run over by a Mack truck. She felt it took her years to recover from it. But because of her mental conditioning, she thought that that was supposed to happen. That somehow her self esteem was supposed to diminish. She was thrown off her path for years just by having teenage sex with a man who didn’t care about her, and with men afterwards who did not esteem her at all. They thought of her as someone fluffy, disposable, not to be taken seriously. They did not see her as powerful.

In my teens and twenties, when I was certain I understood sex perfectly, I often had unemotional, athletic sex with men.  When we parted company, it was clean (I thought).  We’d had a good time and then it was over.  The “game” part of me was smug – I’d fulfilled my sex drive for a little while.  But my being, the ancient, sensitive, psychic being that I and all women are, was not pleased. 

There was actually a subtle feeling, something like my friend’s.  Not a Mack Truck but maybe a Mini Cooper that was driving in the wrong direction after the encounter.  I was drained and I knew it.  Taking a shower, going to classes, focusing on other things took the edge off the sense of unease, but if someone had asked me to respond with three answers to the question, How do you feel right now? – the third answer being closest to truth –I would have admitted that I felt like shi_.

These moments happen because there is something basic that men and women, teens, tweens do not understand.  As a woman, you have an energy body that is very fluid, it extends out from your physical body like a large butterfly’s wings.  As a woman, you conduct life force much more rapidly than a man, and because of this, your essential nature is power.  Women exemplify power.  Look at how power is generated in nature and technology – the core of power is rapid movement.  This is how life force or kundalini energy is conducted through the energy body of a woman – rapidly, capable of fast transmutation.

The energy body of men is denser, more tightly packed.  They conduct life force more slowly than women.  Their essential nature, the equalities they exemplify, are love and humility.

It’s a tendency of human nature (male or female) to destroy what one is threatened by.  Thus men, threatened by the power of women, have tried to suppress it in every way.  For many thousands of years, women have been suppressed socially, emotionally, financially, held back from education – to the extent that women themselves began to think they were weak. 

Now, in this mental age, the power of women is becoming more and more evident.  You as a woman have power, but you can trash it.

For example, let’s say you, a woman, want to go out and have sex with a male partner (this scenario refers to heterosexual relations).  Consider the dynamics. 

Your energy body vibrates faster than his.  Your energy body is also more sensitive than his.  Let’s say this man is like many men and still harbors some distrust or resentment towards the power of women.  When you go to bed with this man, even if you think it’s casual sex, you open yourself up so that his feelings enter into you.  You may not realize it but you are picking up an entire library, a psychic archive of this man’s feelings about women.  You are not just getting laid.  You are getting imprinted.

Sex is an energy exchange.  If you go out and date a “bad” guy, a macho guy, an angry guy (or gal), whew!  You are sucking up those qualities into your being every time you spend relaxation time or sex with this person.  For the average date-and-run, you are getting your power taken away, and in its place you are receiving a host of negative images and impressions.  Spending time with the “wrong” person is a bad exchange.  You’ll never know what you missed by not allowing your being to blossom in power.  You’ll never know what doorways you did not walk through.

Back in the very olden days, sex was a high spiritual practice.  There was nothing angry, bad, foolish or weird about it.  People had sex to elevate their consciousness.  You, the power woman, can still do that by going to bed only with nice partners who do not harbor anger and resentment towards you or towards women. 

I’m not suggesting that all men are bad.  But many men have very disrespectful and inappropriate ideas of women, and during sex, they inject those ideas into you, without your being aware (in your state of sexual openness) and trash your power potential.  You crawl out of your twenties eager to get out of the dating mess and settle down.  Emphasis on the word, “settle.”    

You have to make sure, mindful ladies, that the man being allowed into your body is only projecting into you the highest views of your power and your being. And that will be the partner who honors the highest ideal of power in you, the tsunami fully risen. If a man or partner can’t accept that about you, then he/she is doing you a great disservice.  If you meditate, your partner’s doubts and negativity will prevent you from becoming enlightened.

Suggestion!  Go out with nice partners or don’t go out at all, and start to observe.  If you are dating men, find men who embrace their love and humility.  Observe the faster, more fluid energy body of women and the more grid-like, denser energy body of men.  It’s all around you.  Trust your intuition.  Compare a night in the sack with a partner who may be in a low consciousness with a bright, joyous, powerful and self-confident existence in which you help others as well as yourself.  Consider helping the planet by becoming as powerful as you can be.  Don’t settle, please!  

Liz Lewinson is author of Independence Ring: Rock the Female Revolution. She is also a speaker, technologist and Buddhist.  See www.independencering.com. 

The Road from V-Day to Everyday

In my book, Independence Ring: Rock the Female Revolution, I summarize wise teachings I gleaned from a Buddhist teacher many years ago.  Women are innately more powerful than men, he said, because of their ability to conduct life force and transmute energy more rapidly.  Threatened by the power of women, men over the past millennia have tried to suppress that power in every way, to the point that women themselves began to believe in their lesser power. 

On March 4, in the Huffington Post, Daniel Amen, MD. reiterated the points made above. 

"Our world needs a change in leadership...What I'm talking about here is the gender balance: the distribution of power and leadership between men and women...While most companies have male CEOs and most leadership positions in the U.S. and abroad are held by men, the "CEO part of the brain" -- the prefrontal cortex, which governs things like judgment, organization and planning -- is actually stronger in women, suggesting that women, not men, are a better suited to hold positions of power and are probably better equipped to change our world than men."


Women are innately suited to handle and express power.  Period.  So why then, from the 1BillionRising spirit of V-day on February 14 to now, just three weeks later, have so many words of disparagement about women been spoken?  Just ten days ago, the Academy Awards, broadcast to hundreds of millions of people around the globe, descended into low-vibe gender stereotyping as Seth McFarlane, program host, ranted about women who had shown their breasts on film (in many great films, actually).  The evening is well summarized in Amy Davidson's New Yorker article on "Oscar's Hostile, Ugly, Sexist Night."

Just a few days ago, watching "Makers" on PBS (you can still see the entire, three-part documentary on your computer, and it's a wonderful three hours), one of the film's opening scenes struck me as emblematic of the situation that women throughout the world still face today.

In one of the opening scenes from 1967, Kathrine Switzer, then a 20-year old student at Syracuse University, describes her decision to run the Boston Marathon.  At that time, women were not allowed to run in the marathon as they were deemed incapable of running 26 miles.  One the race began, she had run for several miles with her coach and her boyfriend when a press truck came up behind her.  On the truck was Jock Semple, a man in his sixties, and organizer of the race.  Video is shown of Jock leaping off the truck and attempting to mug Susan.  The look on his face -- horror, anger, hatred -- are priceless.  According to Switzer, he hissed at her, "I will not let a woman ruin my race."  Were the demeaning and misogynist cracks about women broadcast around the world recently by the Academy Awards any different?  Not really.  They were based in the same deep misunderstanding.

The false tradition of demeaning the power gender on the planet is still happening.  It is entrenched, and women need to be vigilant to push back until the truth -- expressed by Dr. Amen, myself and others emerges.  Women are the suited-for-power gender.  They should comprise 51% or more of leadership positions, and women need to know that.

March is Women's History Month.  Happy month!  Here is a fine summation by Marlo Thomas of women who made it through the deep-rooted, institutional repression of women to achieve great breakthroughs in math, science, technology, medical research and more.  I am encouraged by the many women I see who push for progress, and also by the many men I observe, know and work with who are comfortable with the power of women.

I encourage women to wear an Independence Ring -- a commitment to become truly, positively powerful. 

Dancing with the Stars: All Women

Just came back from my second rehearsal of the flashmob dance for #1BillionRising on V -Day, February 14.  Here in the San Francisco area, the flashmob will happen on the plaza in front of City Hall, and the event is sponsored by the Mayor of San Francisco.  City-wide involvement in an event to end violence against women and support the well being of women is remarkable enough, but these dance rehearsals are a world of joy unto themselves.

My first rehearsal was at a dance studio in San Rafael, CA on Thursday night.  Almost 40 people showed and packed the space -- women of all ages and several men.  As we learned the steps from a gracious and lovely dance instructor, something began to happen.  We learned the movements.  We heard the words -- "break the chain" -- "You (all women) are beautiful" -- and by dancing and moving together, we invoked the power behind the words.  We achieved a special unity.

In older times, dance united the tribe.  Dance was a powerful and evocative way of communicating higher feelings and emotions.  So it is with this very inspired way to bring women of all ages (as well as some welcome men) to do something inspirational together.  DANCE!  Learn new movements and new dance routines, apply them to new music.  Simple yet absolutely revolutionary.

Today I went to a second rehearsal in Sausalito, CA and perhaps because I had to concentrate less on the movements themselves and more on the flow and refinement of the movements, I had another, even more powerful experience of unity and the power of women.  When you are pointing at the other ladies in the room and singing "You are beautiful," and you are looking at women with no makeup, no special hairdos, no special age or shape -- in other words, you are seeing your fellow women without the imprint of marketing and media and centuries of conditioning as to what constitutes "beautiful," it is quite amazing to discern just how truly beautiful your fellow women are.  It's mind-blowing because it makes you realize how many judgments you lay on yourself and your fellow women that keep you apart, and those judgments are not real.

And when forty women dancing are envisioning breaking the chain of violence and repression, and I sincerely hope Eve Ensler achieves her goal of one billion rising on February 14, that vision is impactful, unifying and visceral. 

The women in both dance classes kept saying, "This is so powerful."  It is.  I am honored to be part of it and to dance in the flashmob on February 14.  I hope women will read Independence Ring to keep the flame of power building and rising to the highest possible level.

Roe vs. Wade as a Global Imperative

The right for a woman to choose whether or not to give birth and to have access to safe, legal abortion services is not only a human right but a global imperative.  As reported in the Stanford [University] News recently, Stanford biologists Paul and Anne Ehrlich maintain that global civilization is moving toward a collapse.

The key drivers of collapse, they maintain, are worldwide overpopulation and overconsumption, putting an incredible strain on the planet's natural systems, and threatening to negatively impact all future generations.
A critical first step of the Ehrlichs’ roadmap for avoiding society's total collapse emphasizes equal rights for women worldwide.  "This will allow us to include more of their brainpower to help solve these problems," Professor Paul Ehrlich said. "And studies have shown that when women are given full rights, they have fewer children, which will help slow birth rates."  (The Ehrlichs gathered research from over 150 published papers to support this thesis.)

A woman’s right to choose is a powerful and positive weapon in the need to create population sanity.  It is a big part of the discussion.  

Said Professor Ehrlich, “The U.S. just had a presidential election in which the crucial issues facing society were not debated. Instead the focus was on financial problems easily solved by negotiation among people. You can't negotiate with nature."

Agreed, nature is at stake here.  As pointed out in Independence Ring: Rock the Female Revolution, it is natural for women to express their innate power.  This power should naturally be expressed in leadership including social, political, media, economic, educational and scientific arenas.  It is natural for women to choose the timing, frequency and occurrence (if at all) of child-bearing. 

There was a time, not that long ago, when child-bearing was a requirement in order to pass on a family lineage, to work a farm, to run a business.  Women might bear ten children and only three would survive to adulthood.  Safe, simple abortions were impossible to come by.  That time is over, and we live in another time – a ticking clock towards planetary destruction unless women sit at the table with their wisdom, intuition, leadership, articulate communication skills and complete control over their own bodies.   To regulate the biological functions of a woman and tell her what she can and cannot do with her own body is not only absurd but unsafe for the world we live in.

*****

Liz Lewinson is an author, speaker, teacher and technologists.  Her recent book is Independence Ring: Rock the Female Revolution.

Jennifer Lawrence and Vanity Fair's Sexism

Vanity Fair Magazine has proclaimed Jennifer Lawrence the most desirable woman in the world.  I hope Jennifer is annoyed about it.  She is definitely the hot actress of the moment, but she is also smart, brainy, self-confident, outspoken and funny.  On the Vanity Fair cover she holds a little white daisy.  It doesn't fit.  The person does not fit the title and the title does not match the image.

We are in a time of change regarding gender roles, fortunately.  The Vanity Fair cover is a jarring mismatch of old and new.  Little white daisy -- simmering, powerless women in pretty dresses floating around the garden.  Jennifer Lawrence, strong-minded and capable 22-year old actress, a new generation of feminist. 

This is what the cover did for me.  It provoked a thought process.  Are older editors at Vanity Fair, which is frequently known for demeaning photo images of women, stuck in the fresh younger women equal white daisies syndrome?  Do they have any idea how to portray powerful young women?

Yes, Jennifer Lawrence is attractive, but sexual attractiveness is the least of her traits.  She is athletic, natural and smart.  Don't push her boobs up and stick a daisy in front of her.  Praise her for being the most desirably talented woman in the world.  Still not a complete statement but a bit more accurate.  

Who is the most desirable woman in the world?  Women are. Why are we so desirable? Because we as women are great problem solvers,  we have an advanced intuition, we communicate well, we are comfortable with complexity, we are innately powerful.

It's really no fun to have mainstream media consistently perpetuating 50 shades of sexism.   #notbuyingit



Liz Lewinson is author of Independence Ring: Rock the Female Revolution.  www.independencering.com. @lizlewinson.

Women of India, Leaders in Restoring Harmony

In an interview on CNN, Erin Burnett spoke with Fareed Zakaria about the international coverage of a gang rape in India, and the national outrage that the rape has sparked.  Both the coverage and the outrage, while fully merited, are unusual.  Zakaria made some interesting points about it.  

The first is that social media has made the spread of information accessible in ways that never existed before.  Many people in India, for example, do not have computers but they do have cell phones that receive text messages and can access the internet.  Now groups of people can be informed and mobilized in ways never before possible.  In the past, in the lore of repressing and weakening a segment of the population (in this case, women), the best way to do this was to keep them isolated from one another and without access to valuable information.  With those restrictions removed in this age of social media, women can work together and share empowering information – thus large groups of women demonstrating on the streets in India.

Another point made by Fareed (and others), is that rape is not about sex, it’s about power.  The worst and lowest kind of power – domination, control and destruction.  I heard a Buddhist teacher say many years ago,  “It is human nature to destroy what one is threatened by.  Men, threatened by the power of women, have tried to destroy it in every way – economically, socially, politically, spiritually, and physically.”   

This same teacher pointed out, and I have observed for many decades that this is true, that women are innately meant to express and exemplify power. Why?  Because (in Indian yoga terms), the kundalini or life force moves through them much more rapidly than in a man.   If you look at power in nature and in our physical world today, the more rapid the movement, the greater the power.  

Here in the West, women are making great strides, raising awareness of gender inequality and absurd and false stereotyping.  Victories in the boardroom and in government are being won.  My inspiration, however, for the women of India is that they leapfrog over the battles on many fronts being waged in the West and go right to the heart of victory.

I traveled in India many years ago, from Mumbai to Rishikesh, and I know that spiritual belief is paramount in many homes.  India is a democratic country rich in tradition.  In India, it is known that it is bad karma to suppress and dominate an entire segment of the population that is naturally and innately powerful.  It throws the whole nation and society off balance, upsetting the wheel of dharma.  Traditions exist to be honored, but they can adapt.

Women exemplify power from a spiritual point of view.  Power means leadership, education, and economic success.  Women are innately suited to deal with the complexity and rapid movement that is characteristic of power.  Bringing women to the fore in government, education, conservation, science, medicine – in every field of endeavor – will create a balance not seen in recent history (the last few thousand years).  India deserves to become a leader in restoring balance to the planet.  

Liz Lewinson is the author of Independence Ring, a book that explains how and why women need to reclaim their innate power, not just for themselves but to help many others. 

MORE for Women in 2013!

2012 was a watershed year for women.  Awareness grew about the prejudice and repression of women around the globe.  Women around the world reached new victories and landmarks.  Social media served as the broadcast medium for change.  Hardly a day passed on Twitter that I did not feel inspired, motivated and impressed by the strides and new realizations of women.

For 2013, here are the top ten things I'd love to see MORE of. 

1.     More telling it like it is.  Prime Minister of Australia, Julia Gillard, unleashed an unflinching denunciation of the misogyny and sexism of a leading male member of her parliament.  If you haven't seen this clip, you should -- the first seven minutes are priceless.  She is SAYING what every woman has thought or felt for years and that's why the clip went viral.  In 2013, I'd like to see every women push back against the winking, derogatory, behind the back downgrading that goes on in many workplaces and social settings.  Call it for what it is.

2.     More pressure on the media.  Media watchdog films and clips by MissRepresentation.org are reaching millions.  Check out their best and worst of 2012.  We need lots more of this.  Why is reality TV with women depicted as bitches and bimbos even allowed on the air?  Women's Media Center is also active in this space, as is Geena Davis.  Let's keep the pressure on media executives to depict women as they are -- powerful and strong.

3.     More research on women's roles in society.  One of the great books to emerge in 2012 was "Sex and World Peace."  Nope, it was not a book about sex.  It was about women and their effect on society.  Today's mega-computers process huge amounts of data, and these college professors enlisted their students' help assimilate data about how women fare in every country in the world.  Countries where women fare best -- are safest, earn highest income, are most influential -- are the most peaceful countries in the world.  Surprised? Of course not.

4.     More grants and awards to support research on women.  Speaking of Geena Davis, her Institute on Gender in Media landed a $1.2M Google Global Impact Award to develop voice and image recognition technology to assess gender inequalities on screen, and promote balance in children’s media and entertainment worldwide.  A victory.

5.     More mind-opening films about the plight of women.  "Half the Sky" by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn won praise, a wide viewership and excellent media coverage.  It brought to the mainstream just a few examples of unspeakable crimes against women -- forced prostitution, genital mutilation, the slave trade.  Efforts to correct extreme gender imbalance are a worldwide planetary requirement.

6.     More social media-inspired activism and initiatives. In 2012, online petitions and campaigns brought awareness regarding abuse of photo retouching to create an unreal standard of female beauty that teenage girls in particular and women in general are then held to. This past Christmas, campaigns to stop sexism in toys (pink ovens for girls, science kits for boys) raised the awareness of toymakers about how toys send wrong messages to girls.

7.     More video game gender equality.  Anita Sarkeesian bravely endured death and rape threats to stick to her message -- represent girls and women accurately in video games.  Kids today spend hours on these games and what do they see -- violence and degradation of women.  Anita has started dialogues with video gamers and companies and she's not backing down.  Much more work to do.

8.     More women in politics.  We have the largest group so far in the US congress -- 20 women senators.  They say they can solve problems more quickly because they innately k now how to collaborate.  According to science, they have better intuitions and communication skills, too.  Who better to lead nations, corporations and cabinets?

9.     More women in STEM.  Science, Technology, Engineering and Math are excellent professions in which women can excel.  The lack of women in these fields undermines progress, and women are denied challenging, interesting, high-income work.  Re-igniting women’s access to and interest in these fields will bring new breakthroughs.

10. More focus on the root cause of gender issues.  There is underlying cause.  Women are the power species. Just as there are physical differences, there are energy differences. Empowered women will create world peace. See Independence Ring and download a free chapter!

2013 will be an exciting and inspiring year for women!

Liz Lewinson is an author, speaker and teacher.  She also specializes in business and technology strategic planning.  Her recently published book is Independence Ring: Rock the Female Revolution.